Holidays - Home away from Home - When is time to relocate your parents
You travel to visit your parents for the holidays to find this situation:
Found her refrigerator nearly empty, her bills unpaid and her house in disarray.
A neighbor has called you to report that your father was wandering in the street, unable to find the home he's lived in for 30 years.
Your mother has neglected to take her diabetes medications, severely compromising her health.
Your very independent father fell and broke his hip, making it impossible to navigate the stairs in his home.
If there is a decline in cognitive abilities as a result of Alzheimer's disease or related dementia or a shift in a medical condition that requires increased care, there is clear cause to be concerned about your parent's welfare. It may be time to consider a move to a safer environment.
But where should he or she live? First, you need to consider:
The Level of Care Needed
Evaluate whether your parent needs constant supervision or assistance throughout the day and how this might be provided.
Determine which activities of daily living (such as eating, bathing, toileting) your parent can do independently.
Determine your comfort level for providing personal care such as bathing or changing an adult incontinence pad.
Evaluate your own health and physical abilities to help decide if you are able to provide care for your parents.
Explore the availability of services such as in-home care, adult day services, meal delivery, a friendly visitor program,
Investigate long-term arrangements and options if living with your parents will not work or is not your choice.
Determine the type of medical care that will be needed by your parent, and whether appropriate physicians and services—including transportation services—are available in your community.
As time goes by, expect changes in your parent's medical or cognitive condition.
Have you heard of Assisted Living Facilities?
Assisted Living Facility (ALF): Individuals who are somewhat independent but require daily oversight and assistance with housekeeping, medication management, and personal care will want to consider an assisted living facility.
Assisted living facilities offer rooms or apartment-style accommodations and, often, social activities. Meals are provided in a shared dining room. Staff is available to assist with care needs such as bathing, grooming, eating or using the toilet, and care is arranged as needed by the individual. Medical staff may be on-site or on call.
The monthly charge for assisted living is determined by how much care a person requires and varies widely throughout the US. Some assisted living facilities are dedicated to—or include a separate wing for—those with Alzheimer's disease or other memory impairments. These "dementia care" or "memory care" units offer a special security-protected environment and social and other activities designed for the abilities of the residents.
Managing the Move
Moving away from this familiar and comfortable setting is difficult and can cause great sadness. Furthermore, leaving one's own house represents a decrease in independence and signals a new life stage. Often the thought of packing and sorting decades of history, memories, and possessions is daunting enough to delay even considering the difficult decision to relocate.
While you help your parent pack, talk through the difficult feelings, acknowledge the loss that your parent is experiencing and reassure him/her that you are all making the best decision possible. Allow time and opportunity to reminisce. Reassure your parents that you will still be involved in their life regardless of their living arrangements—even in a new community, you will want to ensure that the quality of care is services meet your parent's needs.
Your parent will need time to adjust to his/her new living environment and role with your family. Your patience and support will help make this transition smoother.