Tips for talking to parents about Senior Living
Listen more, think about your answer
Keep your parents involved in all decisions.
Do you know that even though moving to a senior living facility is a huge change, assisted living can dramatically improve the senior’s lifestyle by providing assistance personalized to their needs and facilitating social interaction without forcing or making them engage in something they don’t like to do?
We understand that talking to your parents about assisted living can be tough. The move to a senior living community is often viewed as a permanent blow to an elder’s independence, and many seniors stubbornly avoid discussing this topic because they’re afraid they’ll be forced out of their homes. Children and spouses tiptoe around the subject as well, because they are unsure how their loved ones will react.
Unfortunately, many families postpone this conversation for too long. An accident or medical crisis can suddenly necessitate a higher level of care that could be avoided.
Read the following tips and get prepared for a two-way conversation instead of a long discussion with accusations, fear, frustration or anger.
Start the conversation by listening
Research all the options.Before bringing up the topic, learn about the different types of senior-housing and the levels of care they provide.
Although pricing varies widely and changes over time, research the average costs for each type of senior housing community.
Learn about your parents’ financial situation and their options for funding their care. For example, ask if they have purchased long-term care insurance. If Dad is a veteran, inquire about his military service to see if he could be eligible for veterans benefits to help pay for long-term care. If you bring solid information to the table instead of speculation, everyone will be able to base their decisions on facts and avoid unnecessary surprises.Be as “casual” and “natural” as possible.
Have the conversation in a casual, comfortable spot, like at the kitchen table. Start by saying, “I know this is hard to talk about, but I want to be sure that I honor your wishes. For me to do that, I need to know exactly what they are. We don’t have to decide anything today, but let’s just start the discussion, so we can keep this in mind and focus on preparing for the future.”Keep your parents involved in all decisions. Everyone wants to be able to choose where they live and the kind of care they receive. Age does not change this preference. If they are healthy enough to do so, ask your parents to join you in touring senior living communities, or at least get them on the call with a senior living representative.
Present the options with a positive tone of voice. One way to ensure this conversation goes smoothly is to be careful about how you present it. When speaking about assisted living, use positive, non-threatening words. Refer to assisted living as a “community” rather than a facility. Talk about “condo-style living” rather than “rooms.” Highlight the activities, amenities, and social opportunities rather than the personal care.
The tone of voice you use can make a big difference, too. This is a two-way conversation, not a lecture, so be sure to be respectful. Listen to and validate their feelings. If they get angry, don’t respond with more anger. The more a person feels they are not being heard, the louder they will speak and the more frustrated they will get.Listen more, and think about your answer Elders may not want or be able to express this, but most know deep down that if they move to senior living, it is likely their final residence.
Keeping their concerns in mind during these discussions will help you answer their questions. Emphasize that a move to assisted living does not mean they’ll no longer have control over their daily life. Most seniors find that they have more free time for the things they actually enjoy doing because the housekeeping, laundry and meals are taken care of.Consider their health conditions.
Share what you’ve learned from their doctor or through your research, and discuss how the services offered by certain long-term care settings could help them. Finding the right facility that can meet their current and future health care needs, will ensure the elder’s life doesn’t have to be disrupted multiple times as their condition changes.
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